


Start Again

by apocrypha73



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 05:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13404429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apocrypha73/pseuds/apocrypha73
Summary: I guess you could say this is a post-credits scene for The Last Jedi.





	Start Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angicita](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angicita/gifts).



> So, Angie, this little fic is for you. You said something on twitter about wanting to read some sweet and canon-compliant Finn/Poe to boost your hope for this pairing, and it got me thinking. This is what I could come up with. I really hope it's close to what you had in mind, because I'm telling you, we have to keep this ship afloat. We owe it to Oscar ;)  
> (Also, this is my way of thanking you for that incredibly beautiful kalluzeb fanart you drew for Maybe Not So Accidentally. You deserve all the nice things)

To think all that was left of the Resistance could fit into a light freighter such as the  _ Millennium Falcon _ was probably the second most frightening thought Poe Dameron had ever had in his whole life.

The first one, of course, would always be  _ ‘Mom is really gone’ _ . And before this day, the second place on that list had belonged to that dreadful moment after his interrogation by Ren in the  _ Finalizer,  _ when he’d thought  _ ‘I’ve failed the Resistance and now I’m gonna die’.  _

But not anymore. This, now, was scarier than that.

Poe finished the headcount and shivered. They were  _ so few _ . Barely enough to call themselves a guerrilla, much less an army. And most of the losses they'd sustained were his fault.

He felt his hands start to shake and he pushed that thought out of his mind, least it would incapacitate him. There would be time for grief and shame later, when his job was done. But not now.

He tried to focus on the good news. This wasn’t really all that was left of the Resistance, he had to remember that. They had been split into several groups during the evacuation to make it harder for the First Order to follow them, so there were still others out there. He thought about Snap, Karé and Jess, and sent a brief prayer to the Force to watch over them. Perhaps they’d been more successful than him. Poe tried to hold onto the hope that he’d see his friends again soon, and they would be okay.

He went to the cockpit, looking for the General. When he peeked through the door, he saw Leia sitting there with Chewbacca. The woman was silent, seemingly lost in her own thoughts, so Poe decided not to bother her. He could take care of everything for now.

Or, well, he could try at least.

He joined his hands behind his back and pulled as far as he could, stretching his arms to try and ease the ache in his neck and shoulders. His eyes stinged so much from lack of sleep that he almost felt grateful to Leia for stunning him earlier. It had hurt, yes, but at least it’d given him a chance to shut his brain off for a little while. That was practically the only rest he’d gotten since the order to evacuate D’Qar was given.

All he really wanted to do was curl up in a corner with BB-8 and pour his heart out to the little guy, telling him everything about his guilt, his fears and doubts. There was no better listener in the whole galaxy, and no one who could give more sensible advice, either. But the droid was currently having a very excited chat with Rey, and Poe didn’t have the heart to take him away from her. It was obvious they had a lot of catching up to do. Besides, he had other obligations. If he wanted to be a Commander again one day, he’d better start acting as one.

With a final shake of his head to clear it, Poe started another round through the  _ Falcon _ , surveying the ship’s systems and checking on his people. He made sure the injured were being tended to and there was room for everyone to have a more or less comfortable journey. Or, at least, as comfortable as such an old ship could offer. No matter how legendary she might be, the  _ Millenium Falcon _ had seen better years, and not recently.

As he entered the common room, his gaze fell straight on Finn. He was still standing next to Rose’s unconscious form, looking at her with a worried face. Poe stopped dead in his tracks, an intense feeling of self-loathing clenching his stomach. That poor girl had lost her sister because of him and then she’d almost lost her life, too. All because he had failed to make sure everybody was following his order to retreat.

He should have known better. He should’ve been the last one to leave the battlefield. If he had done that, he would’ve seen what Finn was trying to do, and  _ he  _ would have been the one to stop him, not Rose. The responsibility to save Finn’s life should never had fallen on her.

Poe had let her down. And Finn, too. He had let everyone down, and people had died because of his actions.

Feeling his heart start to race again, he closed his eyes and focused on breathing slowly, counting the seconds as the air left his body. He repeated the process until the panic started to fade away and he felt in control again.

Poe opened his eyes and wiped the sweat from his brow. He couldn’t afford to have a breakdown now. People depended on him.

_ ‘She was more interested in protecting the light than being a hero.’ _ Leia’s words about Vice Admiral Holdo echoed in Poe’s mind once again. Except they didn’t bring him shame this time, but rather a firm resolution to do what was right. He had badly misjudged Amilyn Holdo, but now that he knew the truth, he was determined to make that woman proud, wherever she was.

That was a strangely comforting thought, actually. It helped him focus, it gave him a purpose, and it kept the overwhelming guilt at bay. Even if there was no changing the past, at least he could honor her memory from now on.

And the first step would be facing his mistakes instead of running away from them.

He walked into the room and closed the distance separating him from Finn and Rose. “How’s she doing?” he asked Finn.

The girl looked pale on her improvised bed, but her breathing was steady.

“A little better,” the other man replied in a whisper. “The doctor said she’s gonna be all right.”

Poe let out a sigh of relief. “I’m glad to hear that,” he said.

“You look tired,” Finn said, studying Poe’s face intently, like he was seeing it for the first time.

“Don’t we all?” Poe answered nonchalantly.  


Finn snorted. “Yeah, you’ve got a point. Come on, let’s go somewhere else to talk. I don’t wanna wake her up, she needs to rest.”

Poe hesitated for a brief moment, unwilling to leave his duties unattended. But then again, he had already checked on everyone twice and there wasn't a lot more he could do until they arrived somewhere. And he really needed a break, that much was undeniable.

He nodded to Finn and they left the common room in search of a quiet spot, but that proved really hard to find. Almost every corner of the ship was already too crowded. In the end, Finn took Poe to the gunner post, the only space that was currently empty. And since there was only one chair, they decided to sit together on the floor, their backs propped up against the bulkhead.

“Aaah, finally, some silence,” Poe sighed with relief, closing his eyes as he let his head softly bump the wall at his back. “It’s nice. I’d almost forgotten how it felt like.”

Finn chuckled. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Man, it’s been crazy these last few days.”

“And it’s not over yet. We still have to find a new base.” Poe said, pinching the bridge of his nose. His words sounded a little slurred, a little too slow, almost like he were drunk. He truly felt at the bottom of his energy level, but the quiet of their secluded post and Finn’s company were helping a lot. “I just hope Snap and the others will get in contact soon and say they’ve found a suitable location. I mean, it’s not likely, but a guy can dream, right?”

Finn shrugged his shoulders. “Who knows? Maybe they will.”

“Sure, why not?” Poe replied jokingly. “And it will be a really nice planet. Kind weather, lots of green, friendly people... But unknown to the First Order, of course.”

A lazy grin lit up Finn’s face. “With headquarters already built and working. You know, so we don’t have to set everything up ourselves,” he added, following Poe’s game.

“Well, we couldn't have it any other way,” Poe said. “Electricity, communications, plumbing… Every system will be ready and waiting for us. All we’ll have to do is settle in.”

“There’ll be real showers with hot water.”

“And food that isn’t dried or powdered.”

“And fresh, non-recycled air.”

“And warm, soft beds.”

“Ooooh, man, did you have to say that?” Finn whined, but he was laughing at the same time. “I had  _ almost  _ managed to forget how badly I need to sleep.”

Poe chuckled in response and they remained silent for a few seconds, simply enjoying each other’s company and the rare moment of peace.

“Finn, I…” Poe said after a little while. He hated to ruin the mood, but there were things he needed to say or they would eat him up from the inside out. “I’m sorry. What happened to Rose is my fault.” He saw Finn frown and make a face that was half astonishment and half indignation, but he went on before the other man had a chance to cut him off. “I should’ve paid more attention, made sure you were falling back like everyone else. I was responsible for all of you during that mission and I failed you. And her, too.”

“Poe, don’t say that,” Finn protested earnestly. “If anyone’s to blame for what happened to Rose, that’s me. I should’ve listened to you instead of trying to play the hero on my own.”

Poe opened his mouth to protest but closed it before any word could go past his lips, slowly breathing out through his nose in frustration. He wanted to deny what Finn had just said and insist on taking full responsibility, but… Wasn’t that exactly the lesson he had just learned from the whole Admiral Holdo debacle? That he was part of a team and he wasn’t supposed to defy the orders from his superiors, that going rogue was stupid and dangerous?

“All right, let’s just say we both screwed up and call it even, okay?” he said with an exasperated sigh. “These things happen. You’re in the middle of a battle, high on adrenaline, and all you can think about is showing those First Order assholes that they can’t get away with everything they want. And before you realize what’s happening, you’re acting like you have to win the war all on your own, and people die because you’ve been reckless, and then you feel like shit but somehow you end up making everything even worse by leading a stupid mutiny without having all the facts.”

Finn arched an eyebrow. “Are we still talking about me?” he asked ironically, a lopsided smile traded in Poe’s direction.

The pilot let out a defeated sigh. “Obviously not.”

“Hey, man, it’s okay,” Finn said, giving Poe’s upper arm a friendly fistbump. “Like you said, we both screwed up. But we also learned from it, right? That has to count for something.”

“I guess,” Poe replied, shrugging. “What did you learn, Finn?” he added softly.

The other man stared ahead, like he was revisiting his memories. “The reason why we’re fighting,” he said with conviction. “You know, before all this, I was only trying to get as far away from the First Order as possible. I’ll be honest with you: I didn’t really give a shit about the Resistance, I just wanted Rey to be safe and that was it. But then Rose showed me something.”

Poe looked at him with interest. “Really? What was it?” he prompted Finn.

“The way the galaxy really works,” he answered. “The way the rich treat the poor, and how the war is just a tool for them to make even more money. They don’t care how many lives are lost, or which side wins, because they’re always the real winners. That casino we visited, man… I thought it was all grand and awesome, but she made me see what was really going on underneath the fancy drinks and the glamour, and… it changed the way I saw things, you know? Now I see this fight is worth committing to. I guess you could say she made me a rebel.”

Poe considered that, thinking about Holdo and Leia and the things he had learned himself, and he couldn’t help but notice a common thread. “Thank the Force for women, right?” he murmured with a smile, earning a heartfelt chuckle from his friend.

“Yeah, you got it just right, man,” Finn replied.

They fell silent for a minute or so, each of them lost in his own thoughts, but it felt comfortable and familiar, like they had done this a thousand times. Which was quite remarkable, considering the whole amount of time they’d spent together since they met on the  _ Finalizer  _ couldn’t add up to more than a couple of hours.

And yet, Poe had never felt such an intense connection to anybody before. There was something about Finn that made people gravitate to him. An irresistible pull, like a star. Rey and Rose had felt it too, that much was clear.

He didn’t know what that something was, but he was very interested in finding out.

Poe heard Finn laugh softly and turned his head to look at him. “What’s so funny?”

The other man shook his head and run a hand over his short hair, answering with a grin. “Just that I have the poorest timing in this galaxy’s history. Can you believe the moment I’ve chosen to fully join the Resistance? Right when it’s almost been wiped out?”

“Well, now’s when we  _ really  _ need the new recruits, buddy,” Poe retorted with a wide grin of his own. “You couldn’t have come in a better moment.”

They both laughed, relieving a little bit of the tension they’d been accumulating.

“It’s a little scary, huh?” said Finn afterwards, nearly in a whisper.

“What do you mean?”

“This,” he replied, moving his hand in a circle as if trying to encompass the whole ship. “There’s just a bunch of us, Poe. How are we gonna fight the First Order with this?”

Poe considered this. Even though he’d had exactly the same concern a few moments earlier, he didn’t feel any fear now. Maybe it was the fact that  _ Finn  _ was worried, so he automatically had to step into commander mode and become the source of strength and confidence for everyone else. Or maybe it was just that Finn had helped him see things more clearly. Whatever the reason, he was grateful for it.

“We’ll rise again,” he said with a gentle smile. “You know, my dad used to tell me stories of the Rebellion, of how it came to be, and it didn’t start any bigger than this.”

“Didn’t it?” Finn asked in a surprised tone. “When I was in the First Order, they used to tell us that the Rebel Alliance had been a huge terrorist organization, with branches all over the galaxy and a lot of rich people supporting it. You know, buying them ships and weapons in exchange for political favors. They made it sound like they had the biggest fleet this galaxy had ever seen, and that was the only reason why they’d defeated the Empire.”

“Yeah? Well, that’s a lot of bullshit, buddy. Before the Alliance was even a thing, there were only little groups of rebels acting on a local level, protecting innocents from the Empire’s oppression wherever they could. But they did something very important: they gave people hope. That’s how they got more and more recruits to join them every day.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Have you ever heard about Phoenix Squadron?”

“No, not really.”

“They were only five at first. Well, six if we count their droid. But they managed to become such a pain in the ass for the Empire that they sent a Grand Admiral to try and catch them.”

“That’s amazing,” Finn huffed. “And were they caught?”

“No way, they were too smart for that. Their leader was this badass pilot, you know? A Twi’lek lady called Hera Syndulla. Man, she was a kriffing legend. My father says my mom flew in her squadron once, and it was all she could talk about for  _ months _ . He told me she could fly a freighter like it was a starfighter.”

“Wow,” Finn murmured. “And the others?”

“Well, I don’t know if all the rumours are true, but it is said a couple of them were Jedis, and another one was the only survivor from a race of fierce warriors that had been nearly extinguished by the Empire. Oh, and I heard the girl who created the symbol of the Rebellion was with their group, too.”

Finn looked at him with huge eyes, his gaze dancing with wonder at the extraordinary feats Poe was telling him about. The pilot raked his memory in search of all the details his father had told him as a child, his heart warming up at the delight reflected in his friend’s face. The same delight he remembered feeling when he’d heard those stories for the first time.

“I think I get it now,” Finn said pensively. “That’s all we really need to do, right? Give people hope. That’s what you meant with the spark and the fire thing.”

Poe nodded, a satisfied grin on his face. “That’s absolutely right, buddy.”

It was amazing how, while trying to comfort Finn, he had ended up feeling hopeful again too. There was something devastatingly infectious about Finn’s strength, his determination, and his eagerness to do the right thing. It made Poe feel like there was nothing at all he couldn’t achieve, as long as he had him by his side. He looked into Finn’s eyes and felt a sweet warmth in his heart, of a very special kind he hadn’t experienced in a very long time.

He suddenly froze, the unexpected realization making his head spin. Then Finn leaned a little closer, his shoulder resting against Poe’s arm, and the pilot almost jumped. That warmth from earlier spread through his whole body like wildfire, fast and all-consuming, his heart beating wildly and panic rising in his throat.

“Hey, man,” Finn whispered conspiringly, his hopeful gaze tearing holes into Poe’s soul and oh, Force, he was in _so_ _much_ trouble. “Will you tell me more stories about those tiny rebel cells, please? I like to hear them.”

Poe smiled gently, a sudden swell of tenderness melting away his confusion and quieting his agitated heart. He’d have time to sort out his feelings later, but for now, there was no way he was going to ruin this moment.

“Of course, pal,” he answered. “Have you heard the story of how the Rebellion managed to snatch the Death Star’s plans?”

 

* * *

 

Leia had made her way through the  _ Falcon  _ twice now, looking for Poe, but the pilot was nowhere to be seen.

“Where the hell is he now,” she murmured to herself, standing in the entrance of the common room. “It’s not like this rust bucket is that big.”

She saw Lieutenant Connix walking towards her and she raised a hand to stop the young woman when she was passing by her side. “Lieutenant.”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Have you seen Captain Dameron? I can’t seem to find him anywhere.”

“I think I saw him stepping down the ladder to the gunner station a little while ago,” the girl answered.

Leia thanked her and went in the direction she had mentioned, wondering what in the galaxy could Poe be looking for in there. She got her answer as soon as she peeked down from the top of the ladder, though, a sweet smile forming on her lips at the view.

Poe was there all right, but he wasn’t alone. He and Finn were sitting on the floor of the cramped space, shoulder to shoulder, peacefully sleeping with their heads together, supporting each other. The General sighed softly, shaking her head in fond exasperation, and decided that what she had to discuss with Poe could wait.

As she turned around to leave, she saw Lieutenant Connix again, a few steps away.

“Can you do me a favor, Lieutenant?” she asked.

“Of course, General,” the girl replied. “What do you need?”

Leia gestured with her head towards the gunner station. “Could you please make sure someone gets those boys a blanket?”

Connix looked down the ladder too, and a smile of her own danced on her lips. “Sure thing, ma’am,” she said. “I’ll take care of it personally.”

 

THE END.


End file.
